They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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