we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
