Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She announced her abortion via fbk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
