I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
