im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
