first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
