look no pants
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
