You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
