That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
