Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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