Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
