I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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