I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
