just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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