You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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