piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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