During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
