So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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