i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
