just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
