i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
