he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
