tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
