I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
