its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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