we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
