Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i will never coherently bang her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
