I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
