Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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