what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
