on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
