now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
