Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
