I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He felt like a one man threesome
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
