He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
