wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
