so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
