Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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