dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
