Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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