I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
