i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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