Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
