You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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