I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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