He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
