First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
