I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
