My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
