Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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