Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
